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Conservative Party As the Vancouver Olympics draw to a close, and with them, chances to harvest a popularity contact high from the lifelong dedication of Canadian athletes, the Conservative Party has dispatched Stephen Harper clones to every TV-covered venue in the hopes of getting 'spotted' in as many crowd shots as possible. "Obviously, the P.M. can't be everywhere at once," said a party insider who begged not to be identified, "so it was decided years ago that if the home-country Olympics were going well, we'd need multiple Harpers to maximize the time spent basking in the glow of other peoples' achievements. The unknown fact about the Own The Podium program is that it was primarily created to hide the expenditures necessary for the development of these duplicates, and as the Canadian team started living up to expectations towards the end of the Games, the clones were released from their pods and put into action." (Though no documents have been uncovered to date, evidence indicates that the clones' programming for "action" consisted of; The program is not without its risks, however, and the source tells us that the party is now having difficulty picking the real Harper out from among the emotionless hatchlings at the end of each day's appearances. Asked if there is any danger that the Prime Minister might get too fond of his doppelgangers, and use them to replace his Ministers with these carbon copies incapable of independent thought, the source was unconcerned. "Apart from physical appearances, how would that make things any different than the way they are now?" ================ Check the PMO's Media Downloads for late February |
The voice of more Canadians than any of the nations' 'mainstream' political parties (and representing 4.3 million more eligible voters than the 'victorious' Conservatives in the 2008 federal election), the UDP was founded on the realization that no matter which established party we vote for, the resulting administration will always be the same - and that's not a happy thought.
In recognition of that fact, and realizing that they could no longer in good conscience have any part in 'hiring' an applicant who, despite lying on his/her resume, failing to live up to promise of performance agreements, and doing an all-round lousy job, cannot be 'fired' for as long as four years, more than 40% of Canada's eligible voters chose not to choose in the last federal election - and many of those undecideds expressed their specific allegiance to this party by downloading and using UDP signs, bumper stickers, T-shirt designs, and the especially popular Do Not Disturb anti-campaigner door knob hanger. (See our "Take Part" page.)
Now, as we brace ourselves for a new session (and the unlimited supply of bovine feces that will come along with it), we welcome returning visitors and invite newcomers to take a few minutes to familiarize themselves with this exciting -and undefeated- political disorganization and its fake political platform. (Not unlike most political platforms.)
In the meantime, we thank you for supporting the Undecided Party, the right-on write-in and the ultimate opt-out!
AND NOW, UNTIL THE NEXT TIME,
WE OFFER THE UNDECIDED PARTY
'POST-ELECTION'
T-SHIRT DESIGNS!!
In celebration of the end of weeks of concentrated moral turpitude and verbal incontinence, and in recognition of the impressive number of Undecided Party T-Shirt designs (as well as other paraphernalia) that were downloaded from our "Take Part" page during this 'difficult time,' we're bringing back our popular concept in campaign bumf - the post-election / inter-election, Undecided Party T–Shirt!
Simply download either or both of the designs below to use as a T–Shirt or simple sign (remember to flip the image in your printer's options if you're printing the design on iron-on transfer paper), and wait for the first major scandal or embarrassment to befall the new government. (Shouldn't take long.) Then -and any time a new uproar surfaces- break out your UDP post-election materials and remind neighbours, friends, and strangers on the street just how bad a decision they made in the polling booth.
Educate voters for the next election. Show your pride in having made the right choice. Use the shirts as conversation starters at singles night. The UDP post-election T–Shirts may well redefine partisan political apparel, and you can be on the leading edge of that wave!
(The Undecided Party of Canada is not responsible for any fist fights or other acts of violence that may occur as a result of taunting members of other parties with post-election materials.)
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